Junk in your head.

There are days when my head wants to rule my life.  Trouble is my head has a lot of stored stuff that for years I enjoyed revisiting...not that I knew at the time I enjoyed it....but in retrospect I did.  So, the point is that along the way I learned that the junk I liked to revisit was not helping me to be close to God and was not bringing out the best in me.  A wise woman I worked with had a poster on her door that said, "Change your thinking, change your world."  I practiced making changes in my thinking and I really did change my world.  The pivotal point was when I decided that I could...I was in complete control of what I thought about....and you can be, too.

It's All In Your Head errr On Your Head?

Sometimes it feels as if we have no control over what's in our head.  Have you ever heard or said, "I just can't get it out of my head?"  Well, thoughts are more like this dragon fly...strategies can help us whisk away unwanted thoughts as effectively as swatting at a dragon fly.  Call/text me for help with your thought life or with anger issues.  I offer Anger Management classes at Desert Streams in Kalamazoo.  Tracey Tyler 269-808-1918

Hard hearted?

Are you waiting for someone else to change before you address your inappropriate angering?  The Bible says that eventually our hearts harden if we don't open our heart to the Holy Spirit's influence.  Perhaps there is someone in your life that is difficult and hard to get along with, or maybe that difficult person is you?!  Whatever, you can change the way you act when you get angry.  I offer 8 week Anger Management classes at Desert Streams in Kalamazoo.  Call/text me for enrollment or questions  269-808-1918 or email me at traceyptyler@gmail.com

Keep your cool

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Are you struggling to keep your cool when you are upset?  It can be easy to tell yourself that this is just the way you act when you are upset.  It doesn't have to be that way.  Call me for information on Anger Management, offered in Kalamazoo at Desert Streams.  There is a way to change what you do when you are angry...eight sessions....usually covered by health care.  Why not?  Tracey Tyler, licensed clinical social worker, for enrollment information 269-808-1918 call or text.

New Year's Resolutions

Winter may be coming, but spring is not far behind.  Sign up for Anger Management classes being offered at Desert Streams.  Come spring, you will be angering in a whole new way.  Call/text Tracey Tyler at 269-808-1918 for enrollment information or questions.

Problem Solving Circle

  This seed head is from a purple cone flower.  It represents a lot of potential.  That is what a problem is....a lot of potential.  Potential to enrich, become better, stretch, reach beyond what you are now.

  Many times when there is a problem, it is not perceived as an opportunity, but a time to turn away.  In relationships, when a conflict arises, the parties will turn a cold shoulder, move a way physically or emotionally in order to protect themselves from confrontation.  Yet, it is only when we confront our conflicts that we grow.

  A purple cone flower seed head has hundreds of seeds heading in different directions.  They represent all the solutions that can be created if the seeds are allowed an opportunity to germinate. But if someone snaps it off and throws it away....like when we have a conflict and choose to pretend that nothing is wrong...or walk away from the relationship instead of  rolling up our sleeves to solve the problem...those seeds will produce nothing.
  The next time a conflict comes up between you and someone you love, take a timeout...a breather....a short half hour to calm yourself down.  Then go back in and calmly address the problem you are having with that important person.  Maybe they aren't ready to be calm?  Another half hour perhaps?  Calmly work it out....come up with 10 or 15 other ways to look at it or solve it.  If you can be brave and do this, problems will be solved.  Relationships will be enriched.

Going through the trash!!

Problem!!

  My pay was deposited into my account on Friday, so I checked online to make sure the deposit came into my account.  While doing that I noticed that I had withdrawn money out of my checking account at my credit union a few weeks back to pay for some home repair.  I also knew that my other bank posted a check a few days later for the same amount.

  The problem was, there was no record of any deposit into the bank for the money I took out of the credit union to cover that check.  So my bank checking account was down for that check and I'm asking myself where is that money?

Reaction!!!

  I began to get nervous.  I am reviewing my banking for the past few weeks.  It is beginning to drive me crazy because it is a lot of money.  I began to criticize myself for being unorganized and almost get a bit queazy because it is so much money.  I also begin to imagine having that cash transaction at the bank and that they forgot to credit my account.  I also begin to think that I cleaned out my purse and threw away a bunch of receipts from the bank recently.

  So, I'm feeling tense and muscles are beginning to hurt.  But, I thought maybe I could find the receipt in the recycle bin.  I got out there and looked through it all and came up with nothing.  I came back in the house and felt really bad.  I start to internally criticize myself for not keeping track of my money while I cleaned up my phone area hoping to find the receipt.  

Response to reaction!!!

Then I said, "I am beginning to escalate.  I could get really upset.  I've got something to do later and I don't want to be all upset.  Got to handle my thoughts here.  This is only a loss of money, quite a bit, but still only money.  I will get over this if I can't resolve it."

Result

  I began to calm down.  I kept telling myself it was only money and it wasn't something I needed to get hyper about.

  Clear thinking begin to click in.  I began to review my other accounts at the credit union.  I found out that I never took the cash out of the credit union, just moved it from one place to another.  The money I was looking for was still there.  But while panicky I swear I remembered making a cash deposit with it at the bank.

  I was really relieved and then my thinking cleared a bit more.  I remembered that I did move the money from one account to another thinking I would write a check from the credit union.  Instead I wrote a check from the bank.  It was so funny how I was so sure that I remembered that cash transaction..

  My point is, that when I begin to get upset by stuff, I still escalate a bit before I begin to calm myself.  I still feel anxious and it can still feel like the whole world is falling down on my shoulders.  But I am trying really hard to talk to myself when I recognize that feeling.  I try to tell myself that it is not a big deal even if the problem isn't resolved.

  Why do I do this?  Because I can not solve problems well if I am upset and nervous about stuff.  It does me no good to get worked up.  Life happens.  Stuff goes wrong.  But if I let myself go through with the aroused feelings, it doesn't get better.   So calm, even if the problem isn't fixed, is better than worked up.  I'll try to remember this next time before I go through the trash!!

Flat tire got you stumped?

  When we get a flat tire on the expressway, it doesn’t help to spend a lot of time trying to figure out why we have a flat, who is responsible, or pissing and moaning about how bad it is that we have a flat.  Just get out there, roll your sleeves up, and change the tire.  If you don’t know how to change it, or you can’t do it by yourself, call AAA and have them help you.  The same can be said for our cognitive strategies.

  A cognitive strategy that is ineffective in most situations is All-or-Nothing thinking, also known as Black and White thinking.  If you use this strategy, you may find yourself self-talking variations of the following:  If I'm not perfect, I have failed.  Either I do it right or not at all.  My favorite example of this was the all or nothing rule that if you don't get a birthday card to arrive on or before the birthday, it doesn't count.  There are more cognitive strategies that many of us have that are interfering with our problem solving. Sometimes called unhealthy thinking, you can find a hand out about it at

psychologytools.org