My pay was deposited into my account on Friday, so I checked online to make sure the deposit came into my account. While doing that I noticed that I had withdrawn money out of my checking account at my credit union a few weeks back to pay for some home repair. I also knew that my other bank posted a check a few days later for the same amount.
The problem was, there was no record of any deposit into the bank for the money I took out of the credit union to cover that check. So my bank checking account was down for that check and I'm asking myself where is that money?
I began to get nervous. I am reviewing my banking for the past few weeks. It is beginning to drive me crazy because it is a lot of money. I began to criticize myself for being unorganized and almost get a bit queazy because it is so much money. I also begin to imagine having that cash transaction at the bank and that they forgot to credit my account. I also begin to think that I cleaned out my purse and threw away a bunch of receipts from the bank recently.
So, I'm feeling tense and muscles are beginning to hurt. But, I thought maybe I could find the receipt in the recycle bin. I got out there and looked through it all and came up with nothing. I came back in the house and felt really bad. I start to internally criticize myself for not keeping track of my money while I cleaned up my phone area hoping to find the receipt.
Response to reaction!!!
Then I said, "I am beginning to escalate. I could get really upset. I've got something to do later and I don't want to be all upset. Got to handle my thoughts here. This is only a loss of money, quite a bit, but still only money. I will get over this if I can't resolve it."
I began to calm down. I kept telling myself it was only money and it wasn't something I needed to get hyper about.
Clear thinking begin to click in. I began to review my other accounts at the credit union. I found out that I never took the cash out of the credit union, just moved it from one place to another. The money I was looking for was still there. But while panicky I swear I remembered making a cash deposit with it at the bank.
I was really relieved and then my thinking cleared a bit more. I remembered that I did move the money from one account to another thinking I would write a check from the credit union. Instead I wrote a check from the bank. It was so funny how I was so sure that I remembered that cash transaction..
My point is, that when I begin to get upset by stuff, I still escalate a bit before I begin to calm myself. I still feel anxious and it can still feel like the whole world is falling down on my shoulders. But I am trying really hard to talk to myself when I recognize that feeling. I try to tell myself that it is not a big deal even if the problem isn't resolved.
Why do I do this? Because I can not solve problems well if I am upset and nervous about stuff. It does me no good to get worked up. Life happens. Stuff goes wrong. But if I let myself go through with the aroused feelings, it doesn't get better. So calm, even if the problem isn't fixed, is better than worked up. I'll try to remember this next time before I go through the trash!!